Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
