Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
