now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I looked at my own cervix.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
