Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
