i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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