oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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