My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
