So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
