took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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