I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize