I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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