from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
