they need to just BURY HIM!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
