I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
