then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
