i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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