You just made me feel so damn special
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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