i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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