Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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