So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
