Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
