I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You ate ashes out of my bong
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
