the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
