Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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