I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
