Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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