New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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