When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize