Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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