yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
