He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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