Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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