I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
