that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
