idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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