Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
