I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
