when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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