I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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