Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize