Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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