He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
