I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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