I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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