Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
