im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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