so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
