i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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