I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize