I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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