Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
