If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
