dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I need water and some morals
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
