You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
