I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
