drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
