May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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