it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
