I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
