I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize