all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
