Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
