Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
