considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize