You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
