come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
