What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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