well I can't set my house on fire every night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
