on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
