we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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