I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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