I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
