dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
